I retreat once more from the rest of the world. This is the price I pay for what I am.

I arrived at Halifax harbour the day before yesterday, from where we hitched a ride to Sambro Island, one of my favourite hideaways. This place is far from everything and it's perfect for keeping distance from people and writing down my thoughts.

The lighthouse keeper and I agreed that we would be here for a full year, but I already feel ready for a longer stay. I do consider popping by Stateside sometime soon; Mr. Ford's plans to industrialise his automobile are coming to fruition, and witnessing such a machine with my own eyes let alone test-driving it, piques my interest immensely…

This lighthouse was due for an update. They installed the latest lens technology a couple of years back. They even built it higher. This is good news for the sailors. These are hazardous waters and there are many shoals and rocks. Only 24 years ago a passenger liner sank in these waters and 121 souls were sent to Davy Jones' locker.

The dogs love it here. They get to enjoy the early spring outdoors as much as they please.

We came from Helsinki, and traversed Paris and London to get here. I'd fallen in love, deeply, with a Finnish woman, and it drove me to make some tough decisions. Writing about it will have to wait until I get my two fingers of scotch.

...Her name was Anja. The time we shared was spectacular and her company was a delight. We saw each other almost daily. It was another chapter in my life when became so smitten that nothing else mattered. It was madness.

The Finnish summer can be unbelievably beautiful and especially Helsinki and the city surroundings. We took a lot of walks around the city with the dogs and enjoyed picnics in the woods. Anja and I were immersed in our own bubble while the rest of the country held on through political tensions. We couldn't care less.

I managed to get my good friend Signe to take photographs of us. Signe knows me, a bit more than others. I can trust her. Shame that I happened to be out of frame in all the photographs taken, but Anja was their main focus anyway.

Last September we witnessed Sibelius' 3rd symphony. I took Anja for a few drinks afterwards, and soon enough I noticed a change in her demeanor. I insisted, and she finally confessed that she wanted to start a family. With me. She was under a lot of pressure from her family and relatives, and she wasn't getting any younger.

It wasn't the first time that I was faced with something like this, and it was just as hard as the last time. I didn't have many options: either let her in, tell her everything, or vanish from her life and keep her safe from harm. I had seen it many times before, what comes with it if i stay in one place too long.

I wrote her a letter, one full of white lies. The kind that hurt nobody, but would free me to carry on with my own life alone, without Anja. I left her the deed to one of my Helsinki apartments. I truly hope she finds love elsewhere and lives a happy life.

Publisher’s note: Happy Valentine’s day! And a big thanks to this log entry’s illustrator Paula Garcia! See more of her works at paulagarciaillustration.com xoxo

15th of May, 1908

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